Find and add some more info about end of time in legislature?
A fact from Flora Kaai Hayes appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the Did you know column on 18 June 2021 (
check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as
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The result was: promoted by
Desertarun (
talk) 07:54, 13 June 2021 (UTC)reply
Created by
Ezlev (
talk). Self-nominated at 19:26, 2 June 2021 (UTC).reply
The article is long enough and new enough with no copyright violations. A QPQ has been completed. The promoter can choose the hook.
SL93 (
talk) 23:53, 10 June 2021 (UTC)reply
These two news clippings conflict with a few things in the article, and have some new details
According to the State of Hawaii's Legislative Reference Bureau, their internal record of Hayes' time in office is as follows:
1939 thru 1940, Oahu 4th
1943 thru 1952, Oahu 4th
1959, Oahu 14th (Terr.)
Still looking for a more ideal source, although that could probably be cited in a pinch. ezlev (
user/
tlk/
ctrbs) 19:07, 14 June 2021 (UTC)reply
I think the state records list the legislative sessions Flora Kaai Hayes sat and served as representatives not her term. If you consider the term as when a representative is elected to when another is elected in their place then checking election records each November every election year might help.
KAVEBEAR (
talk) 02:01, 15 June 2021 (UTC)reply
KAVEBEAR, thanks, I think I pieced it together using election-related news clippings. If you feel like taking a look, I'd appreciate a sanity-check on
the relevant sectionezlev (
user/
tlk/
ctrbs) 04:48, 15 June 2021 (UTC)reply
Yeah, I can take a look later.
KAVEBEAR (
talk) 16:53, 15 June 2021 (UTC)reply
Actually, no. Terms for elected representative don't begin until the following year after election, presumably when they are sworn in by
January of the odd number year, which might make it hard to date beginning of terms by month and date?
I think it's not too bad. I took a stab at a copyedit myself. Still would be good to get the guild to check it over. -
Aussie Article Writer (
talk) 01:37, 28 July 2021 (UTC)reply
The lead section is too long and is too lengthy, it should be cut down somewhat. I am happy to help with this, if you would like. In particular, I think we can remove some of the material that is already well detailed in the body of the article and strip the lead to the achievements and significant events in her life - we don't need to note where she was born, or where she went to school in the lead as this is only meant to be the briefest of summaries of the whole article.
The second section has a subsection, which has a subsection. I suggest that you call the second section "Early career", make the first subsection a first level section, and make the "Legislative activity" subsection a first level section also. A flatter structure is better than one with too many subsections in this case.
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with
the layout style guideline.
I made a small structural change.
2b.
reliable sources are
cited inline. All content that
could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
Please note: any sources I cannot read, I am assuming are correct. I do, however, feel it is appropriate to note that I have not been able to verify them.
Early life:
"Her mother Katherine Kahumu Kaai was a descendant of Keōua." could we get a source?
The
following source ends with a tremendous number of organizations she was part of. And I mean a lot. These seem notable enough for the article, I think they need to be in the article.
I note that the image in
this source which has a photo of a still image of the film looks like it may be out of copyright... perhaps something to add to the article? -
Aussie Article Writer (
talk) 12:24, 17 July 2021 (UTC)reply
Ezlev I have reviewed the article, hopefully you will be back to see this review! I would love to help work with you on getting this to GA status, I think we can IAR and extend this review till you get back. -
Aussie Article Writer (
talk) 12:50, 17 July 2021 (UTC)reply
Aussie Article Writer, thank you so much for beginning this review! I’ll be offwiki for the remainder of the month, and I can’t wait to work on this with you once I’m back. ezlev (
user/
tlk/
ctrbs) 21:56, 18 July 2021 (UTC)reply
Aussie Article Writer, I'm back! I believe your notes from attributes 1b and 2b are resolved now – if not, please let me know what you'd like changed. (It's possible that the lede is still too long, but if so, I think your fresh eyes are needed to determine what else to cut.) I'm about to do a proofread in hopes of cleaning up some of the choppy sentences mentioned in 1a. As for 3a, I'm having trouble picturing where to include those organizations in the article since there's so little information (when she was in a given position, for how long, etc). Do you think a list-like structure in a subsection could work, or if not, what were you imagining? Thanks again for working with me on this! ezlev (
user/
tlk/
ctrbs) 18:13, 27 July 2021 (UTC)reply
Ezlev No probs, if there isn't much info maybe make a a list like you suggest would do the trick. The lead is much better, I just coalesced the first two paragraphs together. -
Aussie Article Writer (
talk) 01:37, 28 July 2021 (UTC)reply
Aussie Article Writer, thanks! I've added an "other positions" section with a simple bulleted list, omitting positions which are mentioned earlier in the article. What are your thoughts? ezlev (
user/
tlk/
ctrbs) 03:05, 28 July 2021 (UTC)reply
I’d add all the positions, no need to omit them. It is a list, after all. -
Aussie Article Writer (
talk) 22:02, 28 July 2021 (UTC)reply
I don't think that'll make sense if the list is framed as "other positions", i.e. positions not mentioned in the article prose. Making it a list of all positions Hayes held seems strange, but if you think that's better...? ezlev (
user/
tlk/
ctrbs) 22:45, 28 July 2021 (UTC)reply
Sorry for the delay in responding. I agree with you, best make it a list of all organizations. -
Aussie Article Writer (
talk) 22:38, 30 July 2021 (UTC)reply
Not a problem – there's no rush (a fact of which I have to frequently remind myself). I've made the suggested change! ezlev (
user/
tlk/
ctrbs) 03:14, 31 July 2021 (UTC)reply