"...in the middle of the Indian Ocean." (lede) "In the middle" sounds a bit awkward.
We regularly use that in the Atlantic (in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, Gulf of Mexico, Caribbean Sea). Would you recommend "central" instead? ♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 13:37, 11 October 2011 (UTC)reply
"...organized
convection, or thunderstorms." (MH) You've linked to
convection, and it basically tells what convection is, so there's no need to write "or thunderstorms".
"...as it moved more poleward" (MH) what does "poleward" mean?
Toward the pole, either north or south pole depending on the hemisphere. I feel it's a pretty common word, but I can change it if you want. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 13:37, 11 October 2011 (UTC)reply
"...and about half without telephone." (impact) Sounds a bit weird, put "service" at the end of the sentence?