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This article is written in
Canadian English, which has its own spelling conventions (colour, centre, travelled, realize, analyze) and some terms that are used in it may be different or absent from other
varieties of English. According to the
relevant style guide, this should not be changed without
broad consensus.
My edits related to copy editing for MOS, clarity, and conciseness. I did a bit of trimming of repetitive or redundant information.
I have some notes related to edits that might require extra attention or consultation of sources. Some are edits I didn't feel comfortable making due to my unfamiliarity with aspects of the subject. Some of these might seem pedantic, but I guess that's why I'm here. :] If there are any issues or questions about
my edits or these points, don't hesitate to reach out.
I've done my best to clean up this issue, but it may require more work.
A portion of this article was
plagiarized nearly verbatim without correct attribution. More information about these guidelines can be found at
WP:PLAGIARISM, including the advice that states that "No in-text attribution, no quotation marks, text closely paraphrased, inline citation only" is unacceptable.
It would be great if "senior" could be defined in this article. Not sure if it's a Canadian thing or a hockey history thing, but I'm unfamiliar with the term. Either way, a wikilink (
Senior ice hockey?) or ~five-word description could go a long way for contextualizing McGee's career. For example, in these sentences, I don't understand the meaning or importance of the word "senior":
After missing two years of play due to the injury, he joined the senior Ottawa team in 1903.
In addition, McGee scored five or more goals in eight other senior matches[1]
While I was cursorily checking this sentence's source to see if I could reword it, I couldn't find evidence of its claim on the referenced page.
The game was also the most lopsided in Stanley Cup history, with Ottawa's 23 goals setting a record.[2]
Add pronoun to this sentence:
The Battalion left for England in May 1915, and after spending the summer there, was transferred to the
Western Front in France on September 14, 1915.[3]
possibly to
The Battalion left for England in May 1915, and after spending the summer there, it (The Batallion)/he (McGee) was transferred to the
Western Front in France on September 14, 1915.[4]
He also played in all four of Ottawa'sStanley Cup challenge games that season,[c] scoring seven more goals and tying
Jack Marshall for lead goalscorer of the season/series.[10]
Clarify?
During a Stanley Cup challenge against the
Toronto Marlboros on February 25, 1904, he scored five goals in one game, setting a new record for most goals in a Cup game.[11] He repeated the feat in a game on March 9 against the
Brandon Hockey Club.[12]
possibly to
During a Stanley Cup challenge against the
Toronto Marlboros on February 25, 1904, he scored five goals in one game, setting a new record for most goals in a Cup game.[13] He repeated the feat in a again scored five goals in one game on March 9 against the
Brandon Hockey Club.[14]
(Unless the Brandon game was also a Cup game, then I don't think we should call it repeating the feat.)
Use more active/specific language here than "war broke out", i.e. something akin to "when Canada joined the war".
When war broke out in August 1914, both were mobilized for active duty.
Just double-checking that these are separate facts: he tied Marshall in goals two separate times?
After a brief retirement from the sport, McGee returned, playing in six of the eight FAHL games and tying Marshall for best goalscorer in the league, with 17 goals each.[17]
@
Wracking: Thanks for your help here, and for the feedback above. I'll go through it again and ensure everything is cleared up.
Kaiser matias (
talk) 03:29, 11 March 2023 (UTC)reply
References
^Coleman 1964, p. 805 harvnb error: no target: CITEREFColeman1964 (
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^Wong 2005, p. 69 harvnb error: no target: CITEREFWong2005 (
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^Coleman 1964, p. 85 harvnb error: no target: CITEREFColeman1964 (
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^Wong 2005, p. 69 harvnb error: no target: CITEREFWong2005 (
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^Coleman 1964, p. 85 harvnb error: no target: CITEREFColeman1964 (
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^Coleman 1964, p. 98 harvnb error: no target: CITEREFColeman1964 (
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^Wong 2005, p. 69 harvnb error: no target: CITEREFWong2005 (
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^Coleman 1964, p. 85 harvnb error: no target: CITEREFColeman1964 (
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^Coleman 1964, p. 110 harvnb error: no target: CITEREFColeman1964 (
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