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In the psychological literature, a distinction is often made between two types of love. [1] Hatfield and Walster define: [1]

  • passionate love as "a state of intense longing for union with another. Reciprocated love (union with the other) is associated with fulfillment and ecstasy; unrequited love (separation) is associated with emptiness, anxiety, or despair" [1]
  • companionate love as "the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined." [1]

Passionate love is also called romantic love in some literature, [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] and is sometimes called being "in love" [2] or compared to infatuation [6] [1] [7] and limerence. [1] [8]

Companionate love is compared to strong liking or friendship love, [2] and is sometimes called attachment. [6] [9] Companionate love is sometimes considered the same as the attachment referred to by attachment theory [5] or different [2] depending on the author.

Characteristics

In the Passionate Love Scale (PLS) form, Elaine Hatfield & Susan Sprecher define the components of passionate love as: [1] [10]

  1. Cognitive
    1. Intrusive thinking; preoccupation with the thoughts of the partner.
    2. Idealization of the loved one and the relationship.
    3. Desire for knowledge: to know and be known by the partner.
  2. Emotional
    1. Attraction to the other; pleasant feelings for the other when things go well.
    2. Ambivalence or negative feelings (emptiness, anxiety, despair) when things go awry.
    3. Longing for reciprocity.
    4. Desire for "complete union," permanency.
    5. Physiological (sexual) arousal.
  3. Behavioral
    1. Actions aimed at determining the other's feelings.
    2. Serving and helping the other.

Passionate love is more intense in the early stage of a relationship and often fades over time. [6] Companionate love is felt less intensely and often follows after passionate love in a relationship. [4] [8] Both passionate and companionate love contribute to relationship satisfaction. [2]

Note that while Elaine Hatfield originally described passionate love as having a component of sexual attraction, [1] contemporary authors generally agree that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are separate things. [3] [9] [5] [11] People are motivated to initiate and maintain a pair-bond in a way that's different from the sex drive. [12] [3] [5] [11] [13]

Duration

Passionate love is said to last about 12 to 18 months [14] or 18 months to 3 years, [4] depending on the estimate. Companionate love is thought to decrease very slowly over the course of several decades. [6]

A popular hypothesis suggests that passionate love turns into companionate love over time in a relationship, [1] [2] but other accounts suggest that while companionate love takes longer to develop, it is important at the beginning of a relationship as well. [2] [5]

Causal conditions

See also: Interpersonal attraction

A number of theories exist about the causal conditions surrounding passionate and companionate love (i.e. who people feel a certain love towards and when), [2] but authors generally agree that these follow different mechanics, [2] [3] and evolutionary theories suggest they exist for different purposes. [3] [5]

Liking

According to Ellen Berscheid, companionate love "follows the pleasure-pain principle; we like those who reward us and dislike those who punish us." [2] Examples of factors include similarity, familiarity, expressions of self-esteem and validation one's self-worth, physical attraction and mutual self-disclosures. [2] Also, while passionate love is often said to come before companionate love, [4] [5] Berscheid suggests that companionate love can also be a component in the development of passionate love. [2]

Sexual desire

Authors disagree on the role sexual desire plays in the development of romantic love. [2] [15] [11] [5]

Passionate love is often associated with sexual desire, [2] [1] for example Berscheid suggests that one possible account of passionate love is "a felicitous combination of companionate love and sexual desire." [2] However, Lisa Diamond has suggested that while sexual desire is often a causal component, passionate love can occur outside the context of sexual desire. [11] Diamond's argument rests on various reports and historical accounts, as well as an evolutionary argument that the brain systems underlying romantic love evolved independent of sexual orientation. [11]

Helen Fisher has argued that passionate love is related to the phenomenon of mammalian courtship attraction, or mate choice, and that people have certain preferences for choosing a preferred mating partner that determine who they fall in love with. [15] However, Fisher argues this is distinct from the sex drive, although they are interrelated. [12] [3] [15]

Emotional arousal

Berscheid writes that emotional arousal, for example happy surprises, contributes to eliciting passionate feelings. [2] Surprise and uncertainty tend to be a characteristic of new relationships, so partners in established relationships tend to behave as one expects and thus rarely generate this sort of arousal. [2]

Elaine Hatfield has even suggested that negative or mixed emotions can amplify feelings of passionate love. [16] In A New Look at Love, she writes "Passion demands physical arousal and unpleasant experiences are just as arousing as pleasant ones." [16] Hatfield cites animal studies, such as one study in which puppies that were intermittently maltreated were the most attracted to and dependent on their trainer. People who behave consistently generate little emotion, she says, and "What would generate a spark of interest, however, is if our admiring friend suddenly started treating us with contempt—or if our arch enemy started inundating us with kindness." [16]

Intimacy

Another theory is that passion occurs when a rapid increase in intimacy occurs. [2] A similar theory, by Arthur Aron & Elaine Aron, states that passion occurs in the context of a rapid self-expansion of the self and the inclusion of the qualities of the beloved into one's self-concept. [2] With both of these theories, it's predicted that passion wanes in a relationship as partners get to know each other and the increase in intimacy tends to stabilize. [2]

Biology

See also: Biology of romantic love

Passionate and companionate love are thought to be interrelated, but involve different brain systems and serve different purposes. [3] [5] Passionate love is thought to have evolved for mate choice [15] or to initiate a pair bond, [5] while companionate love is for maintaining a pair bond, [5] maintaining close proximity and affiliative behaviors. [3]

Passionate love is primarily associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine. [3] [15] [5] Companionate love is primarily associated with the neuropeptide oxytocin, [3] [5] and sometimes vasopressin [3] and endogenous opioids. [5]

Passionate love is sometimes compared to an addiction, [1] [14] although there are differences. [17] People in the early stages of romantic love share similar traits with addicts (for example, feeling rushes of euphoria, or craving for their beloved), [14] but this tends to wear off over time, while the condition of a drug addiction tends to worsen. [17] Anthropologist Helen Fisher has suggested romantic love is a "positive addiction" (i.e. not harmful) when reciprocated and a "negative addiction" when unrequited or inappropriate. [14]

Infatuation and attachment

A 2012 study by Sandra Langeslag and others determined that while the PLS is commonly used to measure passionate love, some of the questions actually measure companionate love as well. [7] Langeslag developed a questionnaire to measure slightly different constructs, which she refers to as infatuation and attachment: [7] She describes them like this: [9]

Infatuation is the overwhelming, amorous feeling for one individual that is typically most intense during the early stage of love (i.e., when individuals are not (yet) in a relationship with their beloved or are in a new relationship). Attachment, on the other hand, is the comforting feeling of emotional bonding with another individual that takes some time to develop, often in the context of a romantic relationship.

Infatuation is analogous to passionate love, [6] and the questionnaire asks about: [7]

  • staring into the distance while thinking of the beloved.
  • getting shaky knees while in the presence of the beloved.
  • feelings for the beloved reducing one's appetite.
  • thoughts about the beloved making it difficult to concentrate.
  • being afraid that one will say something wrong while talking to the beloved.
  • getting clammy hands while near the beloved.
  • becoming tense while close to the beloved.
  • having a hard time sleeping because of thinking about the beloved.
  • searching for alternate meanings in the beloved's words.
  • being shy in the presence of the beloved.

Attachment is analogous to companionate love, [6] and the questionnaire asks about: [7]

  • feeling that one can count on the beloved.
  • being prepared to share one's possessions with the beloved.
  • feeling lonely without the beloved.
  • feeling that the beloved is the one for them.
  • the beloved knowing everything about them.
  • hoping one's feelings for the beloved never end.
  • feeling emotionally connected to the beloved.
  • the beloved being able to reassure them when they are upset.
  • the beloved being the person who can make them feel the happiest.
  • the beloved being part of their plans for the future.

Infatuation and attachment co-occur, so one can feel them together at the same time, or feel infatuation strongly and attachment weakly and vice versa. [7] Langeslag found that infatuation is more associated with negative emotion than attachment, and tends to decrease after entering a relationship, while attachment tends to increase. [7] Participants who were not in a relationship scored the highest on infatuation. [7]

See also

  • Biology of romantic love – Biological and neurochemical basis for thoughts, feelings and behaviors of romantic love
  • Compassionate love – Love that focuses on the good of the other
  • Eros (concept) – Ancient Greek philosophical concept of sensual or passionate love
  • Infatuation – Intense but shallow attraction
  • Limerence – Romantic love, the state of being in love, lovesickness or even love madness
  • Love addiction – Pathological passion-related behavior involving the feeling of being in love
  • Obsessive love disorder – Excessive desire to possess and protect another person
  • Passion (emotion) – Feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something
  • Romance (love) – Type of love that focuses on feelings
  • Storge – Familial love, natural or instinctual affection to one such as a family member
  • Unrequited love – Love that is not reciprocated by the receiver

External links

References

  1. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k l Hatfield, Elaine (1988). The Psychology of Love. Yale University Press. pp. 191–217. ISBN  9780300045895. Archived from the original on 2024-05-25. Retrieved 2024-05-16.
  2. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t Berscheid, Ellen (2010). "Love in the Fourth Dimension". Annual Review of Psychology. 61: 1–25. doi: 10.1146/annurev.psych.093008.100318. PMID  19575626.
  3. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k Fisher, Helen (October 2002). "Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment". Archives of Sexual Behavior. 31 (5): 413–419. doi: 10.1023/A:1019888024255. PMID  12238608. Archived from the original on 18 February 2024. Retrieved 18 February 2024.
  4. ^ a b c d Bode, Adam; Kushnick, Geoff (11 April 2021). "Proximate and Ultimate Perspectives on Romantic Love". Frontiers in Psychology. 12. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2021.573123. PMC  8074860. PMID  33912094.
  5. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k l m n Bode, Adam (16 October 2023). "Romantic love evolved by co-opting mother-infant bonding". Frontiers in Psychology. 14. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1176067. PMC  10616966. PMID  37915523.
  6. ^ a b c d e f Langeslag, Sandra (13 February 2023). "Is it love or infatuation? This relationship questionnaire will help you tell" (web). Today (American TV program). Retrieved 5 June 2024.
  7. ^ a b c d e f g h Langeslag, Sandra; Muris, Peter; Franken, Ingmar (25 Oct 2012). "Measuring Romantic Love: Psychometric Properties of the Infatuation and Attachment Scales". The Journal of Sex Research. 50 (8): 739–747. doi: 10.1080/00224499.2012.714011. PMID  23098269.
  8. ^ a b Lehr, Nick (10 October 2016). "Limerence: The potent grip of obsessive love" (web). CNN. Archived from the original on 31 May 2023. Retrieved 5 May 2024.
  9. ^ a b c Langeslag, Sandra (2024). "Refuting Six Misconceptions about Romantic Love". Behavioral Sciences. 14 (5): 383. doi: 10.3390/bs14050383. PMC  11117554. PMID  38785874.
  10. ^ Hatfield, E. & Sprecher, S. The passionate love scale. In Fisher, T. D., C. M. Davis, W. L. Yaber, & S. L. Davis (Eds.) Handbook of sexuality-related measures: A compendium (3rd Ed.). (pp. 466-468). Thousand Oaks, CA: Taylor & Francis.
  11. ^ a b c d e Diamond, Lisa (Jan 2003). "What does sexual orientation orient? A biobehavioral model distinguishing romantic love and sexual desire". Psychological Review. 110 (1): 173–92. doi: 10.1037/0033-295x.110.1.173. PMID  12529061.
  12. ^ a b Fisher, Helen (March 1998). "Lust, attraction, and attachment in mammalian reproduction". Human Nature. 9 (1): 23–52. doi: 10.1007/s12110-998-1010-5. PMID  26197356. Archived from the original on 18 February 2024. Retrieved 18 February 2024.
  13. ^ Diamond, Lisa (June 2004). "Emerging Perspectives on Distinctions Between Romantic Love and Sexual Desire". Current Directions in Psychological Science. 13 (3): 1–25. doi: 10.1111/j.0963-7214.2004.00287.x.
  14. ^ a b c d Fisher, Helen; Xu, Xiaomeng; Aron, Arthur; Brown, Lucy (9 May 2016). "Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction? How the Fields That Investigate Romance and Substance Abuse Can Inform Each Other". Frontiers in Psychology. 7: 687. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00687. PMC  4861725. PMID  27242601.
  15. ^ a b c d e Fisher, Helen; Aron, Arthur; Brown, Lucy (13 Nov 2006). "Romantic love: a mammalian brain system for mate choice". Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society. 361 (1476): 2173–2186. doi: 10.1098/rstb.2006.1938. PMC  1764845. PMID  17118931.
  16. ^ a b c Hatfield, Elaine; Walster, G. William (1985). A New Look at Love. University Press of America. ISBN  9780819149572. Retrieved 3 July 2024.
  17. ^ a b Zou, Zhiling; Song, Hongwen; Zhang, Yuting; Zhang, Xiaochu (22 September 2016). "Romantic Love vs. Drug Addiction May Inspire a New Treatment for Addiction". Frontiers in Psychology. 7: 1436. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01436. PMC  5031705. PMID  27713720.
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