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United States Draft‑class

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United States: Iowa Draft‑class

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I would change the wording from “survival programs”, to something like community or social service programs.

Add links to the “FBI” and “white supremacy groups” in paragraph 2.

Insert a link to “Black Power” in the National Black Panther Party” section, but overall I really liked this section.

Great section on the Foundation.

Drug/Alcohol and Free Breakfast Programs:

In re: “In alignment with chapters across the nation, the Des Moines chapter founded several programs during its active years. In efforts to keep its chapter sober in order to most effectively enact change, they also established a Drug/Alcohol Program.The chapter would also drive those struggling with addiction to a center in Kansas City, Missouri, since there was no treatment center in Des Moines at the time.”

I would add something to the “in efforts to keep…” about the drug crisis in the black community at the time, because these drug and alcohol programs were targeted efforts towards a problem AND a propaganda against the black community of them all being addicts, so its intention really goes above just wanting people to be sober so they are good at their work. Something like, in addition to targeting the x epidemic through education, members also drove those struggling with addiction…” A lot of use of the word “also” in this paragraph. You could vary that.  

Love the Education  and Collaboration sections

Re: “Good Park, 1969” In the case of the “one woman suffered gunshot wounds” who was firing? Police or people in the crowd?

Rework the sentence: “ So, after police raiding the building, Rhem got to work distributing a pamphlet that included the following: "Again the fascist authorities of Des Moines unjustifiably harassed the Black Revolutionary Communist Youth by ransacking our apartment while we were not at home (the brothers and sister were serving the people by assisting with the free breakfast program)."” Maybe something like, “police raided the building prompting Rhem to distribute” RebekkahMcGrath ( talk) 17:59, 24 February 2024 (UTC) reply

Logic: The article as a whole made sense within a timeline and structure. Nothing felt out of place in terms of how the article was set up, so it was easy to follow along.

Content: I thought the content was really good, especially with the information presented. I think it could be beneficial to add a bit more about the connection with the Omaha branch, the connection just feels a little underrepresented compared to the connection with the Kansas City chapter.

Citations: No issues with citations, all scholarly sources with good information. Elizab57 ( talk) 15:54, 1 March 2024 (UTC) reply