Some in the community suspect this page is kept precisely because of the impressive extent to which it fails to be funny in any way. Readers are cautioned against employing this content in actual interaction with living humans (except Jimbo, within reason).
This is a very incomplete list of jokes about Wikipedia.
Why was the lumberjack excited to discover Wikipedia? Because of all of our
logs.
Who's in charge of how an article appears? Manuel of
Style.
What musical did all the noticeboard regulars go to?
ANI.
What did the editor get when he fell down the stairs? A wikibreak.
Do you know the Wikipedian who doesn't use cash? He's a Checkuser.
What will admins do when they see a new article promoting non-notable cake? Delete it.
How do recent changes patrollers light their outdoor parties? With a
STiki torch.
Did you hear about the guy who got disqualified from the
Monopoly tournament? He'd gotten Reading, Pennsylvania and B&O railroads and got blocked for
3RR.
Why did the Wikipedians vs. Britannica Editors football match get cancelled? Because Britannica could only come up with three editors.
Why did the Wikipedian football game turn into chaos? They
ignored all rules.
Which editor can handle a thousand
SPIs in a single day? Clerk Kent.
Which articles get most of the weasel and peacock edits?
Weasel and
peacock, obviously.
What do
these articles have in common with that 11-year-old boy? Pending changes, obviously.
What did the coach say to the Wikipedians before the big football game? "This time, I want you all to take off your glasses. Yes, yes, that's good. No, no, don't put them in your pockets."
Vandal goes into a bar. Barkeep says... "Why the sad face?" ... "I'm blocked." ... "One prune cocktail comin' up." ... "It's not that. Can I see your phone for a second?" ... "No, and you're an idiot with no life."
How do sick Wikipedians get better? By contacting Doc James or Drmies through their talk page!
How did the Wikipedian get the spam out of the can? Content forking.
Did you hear about the editor who contributes from Mars? He's NOTHERE.
As children, where did Wikipedians play? In
the sandbox.
An example of an article which violates policy but is not deleted:
Attack page.
"Hey, I just looked at your userpage. Are you a troll?" ... "No, no. Everyone on my mother's side looks like that. We're all very stocky."
Did you hear about the Wikipedia article on the solfeggio note fa? It will always be rated FA-Class!
You know you've been at the
Teahouse for too long if your computer screen squirts tea at you whilst you're there.
You know you're on a stub article if it makes you so stressed you stub your toe. (Ouch/groan!)
WP:GOLDiLOCKsANDTHETHREEBEARS (a variation on
WP:GOLDLOCK).
Why should you never attempt to eat a Wikipedia article? Because you'd have to use a
fork.
Who is the best on Wikipedia at board games?
Clue bot.
Which part of Wikipedia does a
tiger spend most of his time? The
CATegories.
What's Wikipedia's favorite fairy tale?
Jack and the. Oops. I can't say more per
WP:BEANS.
What do you call a person who is a star performing in a barn? A barnstar!
The Wikipedian who whacks fellow Wikipedians with trouts the most always has a lake full of them!
How do Wikipedians hear each other speak? With the talk page!
Did you hear about the 2 tennis players who struggled to beat each other in edit warring? The result was a WikiDeuce!
The Wikipedian knew not to look at his broken watches. They weren't TIMERS.
In Soviet Russia, Kremlin reads what you write on Wikipedia. In America, Kremlin writes what you read on Wikipedia.
A Wikipedian was warned not to use Es anymore. The Wikipedian did and was thus banned. Classic case of NOTHERE.
A Wikipedian gets awoken just after midnight by a large party of other editors. After trying to tough it out he calls the police. The police arrive and say "Sorry, it's
1AM.".
An inclusionist and a deletionist walk into a bar. The deletionist rips out half of the taps and destroys all the bottles that aren't on the top shelf. The inclusionist says not to worry and offers a case of diet soda. They both ask the bartender for a donation.
Wikipedia:
You have two cows. After discussion, your neighbors reach consensus that your cows belong to them, dismissing your objections per
1AM. You call the police, who arrive and give the cows to whomever touched them last.
A Wikipedian is unable to fall asleep due to all of his neighbors having a party. A little after midnight, he goes outside and tries to discuss ending the party. The neighbors refuse and eventually the Wikipedian decides to call the police. The police come and upon hearing the situation say there's nothing they can do. It's
1AM.
A Wikipedian and a vandal are stranded on a deserted island. On the first day, the Wikipedian builds a raft, but at night, the vandal destroys it. The second day, the Wikipedian lets the vandal know that one or more of his contributions to the raft did not appear constructive, and rebuilds the raft. The vandal destroys it. The third day, the Wikipedian asks the vandal to please refrain from making unconstructive changes to the raft, and rebuilds it again. Again, the vandal destroys it. The fourth day, the Wikipedian tells the vandal that if he destroys the raft again, he may not be allowed to participate in the building of the raft. The Wikipedian rebuilds the raft and the vandal destroys it again. On the fifth day, an admin finally arrives with the navy, announces that nobody can build a raft until everyone on the island agrees about whether or not a raft should be built, and sails off.