This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to bring it to FAC, and would like feedback regarding how accessible it is to the average reader and well as readability and grammar.
Thanks, —
Crisco 1492 (
talk) 14:21, 23 May 2014 (UTC)reply
Comments by Wehwalt
Fighting the crowds here ...
Plot
Who is Mardjan? Some sort of descriptor is necessary. Similar on Asmadi
An employee of Doerachman.
The last sentence of the second paragraph should be split.
After an interminable delay (for which apologies), I will have a look at this one today and tomorrow. Before I crack on, can I check on which English variant you're using here? Cheers -
SchroCat (
talk) 12:11, 4 June 2014 (UTC)reply
As usual, this is an attempt at BrE. —
Crisco 1492 (
talk) 12:14, 4 June 2014 (UTC)reply
Cheers (I spotted a "humor" tucked away in there, which is why I thought I'd check!) I'll take a full read through later and get back to you. As you've written it and Wehwalt's already gone through it, I suspect I'll find little, but I'll see! Incidently I had the pleasure of meeting Wehwalt yesterday as he passed through London - a rather fun afternoon with him, Brian Boulton, Tim riley, Bencherlite, Cassianto and a few bottles of wine. -
SchroCat (
talk) 12:30, 4 June 2014 (UTC)reply
Ah, to be there, enjoying the wine and the cool London summers (well, relatively cool at least). And then going to see if I can get some good photographs :D —
Crisco 1492 (
talk) 12:48, 4 June 2014 (UTC)reply
Plot
There's a "however" at the beginning of a sentence. Although I'm relatively relaxed about it, there are others at FAC who eschew all but the tightest use of the word—especially at the start of a sentence. It may be worth slightly re-framing what you have in order to get round the problem. (and the one in the "legacy" section.
Production
"director Jo An Djan" -> "the director Jo An Djan..."
I'm not sure "Native" needs to be capitalised?
Another "small, but perfectly formed" article: I suspect we're probably the best online source of knowledge on lost Indonesian films by some distance now! Please drop me a note when you take this to FAC. –
SchroCat (
talk) 15:52, 4 June 2014 (UTC)reply
Done all but one. "Native" is shorthand for Native Indonesians here. It avoids the anachronism "Indonesian" (not official at the time), the glossing required for "Pribumi", and the possible misidentification if I name just one of the 600+ ethnic groups in the archipelago. Thanks for the review! (BTW, Soeara Berbisa is at FAC if you have time to stop by). —
Crisco 1492 (
talk) 16:01, 4 June 2014 (UTC)reply
Thanks for the explanation of N: all good on that one. I'll swing by Soeara Berbisa shortly. Cheers -
SchroCat (
talk) 16:03, 4 June 2014 (UTC)reply