This peer review discussion has been closed.
After a considerable amount of copy-editing, re-organisation and ref-tightening, I think this article may be good enough to be proposed as a FAC and I'd appreciate any feedback!
Thanks, —JennKR |
☎ 23:14, 28 August 2013 (UTC)reply
Comments from Tomica
Lead
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter,[3] also known simply as Beyoncé ---> Isn't simply known as more simple to use?
Born and raised in Houston, Texas and performing in singing and dancing competitions ---> How does her birth in Houston is related to singing and dancing? I think this sentence need re-organization.
Done (Is that better?) —JennKR |
☎ 23:56, 28 August 2013 (UTC)reply
she began her music career aged sixteen as lead singer of R&B girl-group Destiny's Child ---> The sentence misses the
definite article.
which established the singer as a viable solo artist worldwide, selling 11 million copies, earned five Grammy Awards and featured the Billboard number one singles "Crazy in Love" and "Baby Boy". ---> I propose: which established the singer as a viable solo artist worldwide; it sold 11 million copies, earned five Grammy Awards and featured the Billboard number one singles "Crazy in Love" and "Baby Boy".
In 1997, with Columbia Records, Destiny's Child released their major label debut song "Killing Time" on the soundtrack to the 1997 film, Men in Black. ----> hmm I think this need re-wording, it's kinda complex.
Franklin was dismissed, leaving just Knowles, Rowland, and Williams. ---> Hmm, maybe a sentence how Rowland came in the bend?
Not done This is established earlier ("Aged eight, Knowles and childhood friend Kelly Rowland met LaTavia Roberson while in an audition for an all-girl entertainment group...") —JennKR |
☎ 14:40, 31 August 2013 (UTC)reply