I hope that it is okay that I pick up this article for a review. I will do this in a more piecemeal fashion so apologies in advance. Feel free to comment on anything and make any revisions as you do not have to wait until the full review is posted. I will look through the citation formatting at the end.
The
WP:FUR for the infobox image is incomplete. I would also change the source link to something that directly links to the image rather than a Google search.
I would change the simulation link in the infobox to one for the
simulation video game article. I would also add a link for this in the lead's first sentence.
The first four sentences of the lead have very similar sentence structures (i.e. The game was/It was) and I would add some variation to make the prose more engaging.
I do not think the citation in the lead is necessary as this information should be present in the article along with the citation.
The lead is rather short right now. It only has information on the who developed and when it was released, but it does not have anything about the actual gameplay or its reception. I would expand the lead.
I would rename the "Gameplay and premise" section to just "Gameplay". It would be more concise and from the video game articles I have seen, it is more standard to reference a section this way.
I hope these comments are helpful so far. I will add more comments tomorrow. Let me know if you have any questions. I hope you are having a good weekend so far.
Aoba47 (
talk) 00:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)reply
Gameplay and premise
I would add ALT text for the screenshot. The WP:FUR is also incomplete for it.
What exactly are you looking for on the FUR? This was created with the File Wizard. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
There are two "n.a." portions in the WP:FUR which should be completed.
Aoba47 (
talk) 15:25, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
I do not believe that is the case. From my understanding, there should not be any instances of "n.a." in a WP:FUR, especially since the two parameters (i.e. "Not replaceable with free media because" and "Respect for commercial opportunities") are things that could be explained.
Aoba47 (
talk) 15:50, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
FUR added, although probably something we should comment on at File:Upload Wizard. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 08:18, 28 September 2021 (UTC)reply
In the screenshot's image caption, the game's title should italicized.
I am uncertain about this sentence: The tower building in which the restaurant is included has had its business drop, but has tasked the player with changing that fortune. It reads rather awkwardly, and the second part reads like the building itself is tasking the player to do this, which I doubt is true.
I have a question for this part, The player is given money, and a choice of twenty foods. Would it be possible to clarify who gives the player money? It is not entirely clear how the player takes on this position.
I think the change from the part previously will leave this unambiguous. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
For this part, simultaneously; known in-game as "prep stations", I am not entirely sure that the semi-colon is used correctly. I think it should be a comma instead.
For this part, keyboard game controller button prompts, do you mean keyboard or game controller button prompts?
I just meant keyboard, I'm sure you could play this with a controller, but it's a PC and handheld game. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
I have a clarification question about the following part, Alongside cooking, chores to keep the restaurant sanitary, such as washing dishes, throwing out the garbage, and flushing the lavatory, specifically the "flushing the lavatory" portion. So does this mean the player have to flush the toilet after a customer uses it? I am just curious as this seems like an odd gameplay mechanic.
It is a weird gameplay mechanic! They don't really ever explain the details on the flushing the lav part, other than you have to press flush and sanitize. It's an odd game. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
Thank you for responding to this. Nothing wrong with a game making a more off-the-wall choice. I just wanted to make sure that I was reading this part correctly.
Aoba47 (
talk) 15:26, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
I have a question about this part, as serving too many fattening or boring foods. What do you mean by "boring foods"? Later in this sentence, you mention not having the same menu over and over again so from my understanding, it is not about repeat meals. Is "boring foods" referring to something like bland foods?
I haven't played this game in a while, but I believe meals can be both bland and repetitive to be considered boring. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
That makes sense to me. Thank you for the clarification.
Aoba47 (
talk) 15:27, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
What makes the following citations appropriate for a potential good article: YoYo Games, Hooked Gamers, and Game Maker Blog? I am not saying these are bad sources. I am just not familiar with them and I would like to hear your perspective about them.
Game Maker Blog is probably confusing as it says Blog, but this is/was information promoted by
GameMaker Studios, who provided the Engine for the game. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
Yo-Yo Games is the parent company of the above. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
Hooked Gamers has been around since 2003, and has partnership with both Metacritic and Steam, so I'd feel confident that they'd provide decent commentary on a video game. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
That makes sense to me. Thank you for the explanations!
Aoba47 (
talk) 15:27, 27 September 2021 (UTC)reply
Here are some further comments.
Aoba47 (
talk) 01:31, 26 September 2021 (UTC)reply
Development and release
In the first paragraph, the first three sentences have very similar structures so I would add some variety to keep the prose engaging. I would also avoid having that many sentences in passive tense in a row
I do not think Ore no Ryouri belongs in
Template:Cook, Serve, Delicious as it is not a part of this series. It was the primary inspiration for the game, but that is not a strong enough reason to include this in the template.
For this sentence, Galindo had obtained a demo for the game through a gaming magazine and was intrigued by the approach and rush of the game, and inspired him to create a free fan-made game in 2004, using hand-drawn graphics., I would avoid repeating "game" three times.
I have a few questions about this part, after he had some success in releasing The Oil Blue, his first attempt at a full game. What kind of success is being referenced (i.e. critical, commercial, fan response)? Also, it say that this is an attempt so was this unsuccessful or not a full game? I think further context about The Oil Blue is necessary. It should be brief of course as this article is not about that, but I find this mention to be rather confusing.
I have reworded to say what happened. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)reply
Information about the release dates and formats should be listed here, including the
iPad version which is mentioned in the next section.
For this part, which added ten new foods to be placed on the menu, couldn't you just say which added ten new foods as it would be rather clear from context?
I do not think it is particularly helpful to include the scares in the prose, and I believe it would be better to focus on the actual review itself. If you would like to have the scores present in the article, I would use
the video game reviews template for that.
Well, generally the rule is that you shouldn't put the scores in the body if they are in the table, but there are so few reviews that I felt the table was unneccesary, and we could say them in the body. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 08:21, 28 September 2021 (UTC)reply
I just do not find the scores to be particularly insightful in the prose (unless there is something out of the ordinary about it, like this was one of the few times a game got a perfect score from a specific publisher, etc.), but it is likely a matter of personal preference.
Aoba47 (
talk) 19:03, 28 September 2021 (UTC)reply
The prose in this section could use further work. It reads more like a list, especially since most of the sentences start with X critic of Y publication. Would it be possible to expand on some of these sentences? There are a few points where I am not really getting what the reviewer is discussing. For instance, I am not entirely sure what Mal Scott is saying about the game, other than that he apparently enjoyed it.
I have expanded a little, I will keep adding. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski(
talk •
contribs) 08:25, 28 September 2021 (UTC)reply
Sequels
I would avoid having two sentences in a row with "announced" to prevent the prose from becoming too repetitious.
This may seem silly, but I think a
food truck link would be helpful. They are becoming increasingly common, but it would still be beneficial for readers who may not be entirely familiar with this concept.
This should be all of my comments for now. Once everything has been addressed, I will read through the article again. Please let me know if you have any questions about my review. Have a great rest of your weekend!
Aoba47 (
talk) 23:00, 26 September 2021 (UTC)reply
Thank you for addressing everything. I made a few copy-edits so everything uses the same date formatting. Everything else looks good and I will pass it.
Aoba47 (
talk) 19:03, 28 September 2021 (UTC)reply