"The music on Straylight Run moved away" → "The music on Straylight Run moved away"
"Taking Back Sunday into piano-centred" → "Taking Back Sunday, transitioning into piano-centred"
Last sentence should be about the critical reception in this para; move the one from the third para to this position instead
"sold 11,000 copies in its first week of release and reached number 100 on the
Billboard 200." → "reached number 100 on the US
Billboard 200 in the first week of release, with sales of 11,000 copies."
"In addition, it reached the top five of the" → "It further charted at number four on the"
"It would go on to sell over 225,000 copies as of September 2005." → "As of September 2005, the album has sold over 225,000 copies." and mention that this is in the US only
"received a positive response from critics," → "received generally positive reviews from
music critics," with the target
"complimenting the album's sound and others disliking" → "complimenting the sound though others disliked"
"Nolan and Cooper formed" → "John Nolan and Cooper formed"
"These recordings laid" → "The recordings laid"
"pop songs which would" → "
pop songs, which would" with the target
"After recording the demos," → "After the demos had been recorded,"
"and Cooper and Nolan were" → "while Cooper and Nolan were"
"work with Breaking Pangaea." → "work as part of Breaking Pangaea."
"Nolan was sharing an apartment with his sister, Michelle, at the time. He learned" → "John was sharing an apartment with Michelle at the time, with him learning"
"to do anything with them." → "to do anything with the songs."
"Witnessing her talent, he decided" → "Observing her talent, John Nolan decided"
"The quartet continued practicing" → "With their line-up complete, the quartet continued practicing" since the source mentions this
"the name Straylight Run." → "the name Straylight Run, after a large amount of discussion and debating." since this is notable
"In August, Nolan and Cooper" → "In August 2003, Nolan and Cooper"
"fan-recorded versions were" → "fan-recorded versions of the songs were"
Where do any of the sources mention two songs on the radio showcase?
"the band quickly posted" → "Straylight Run quickly posted"
"to help keep up" → "for helping keep up"
"being posted, the band was playing" → "being posted online, the band were playing"
"the band was attracting offers" → "Straylight Run were attracting offers"
"major labels and interest" → "major labels as well as interest"
"The group embarked on" → "The band embarked on"
"of the northeast US" → "of the northeast United States"
"closed the year," → "closed out the year,"
"US tour (co-headlining with
the New Amsterdams), and" → "US tour that they co-headlined with the New Amsterdams, and"
Writing and production
"their debut album," → "their debut studio album,"
"on their UK tour in" → "on their tour of the United Kingdom in"
"up-tempo electronic instrumentation, such as synthesizers." → "
up-tempoelectronic instrumentation, which includes synths." with the wikilink and target
"highlights the band's musical strengths" → "incorporates the band's musical strengths"
"second verse"." → "second verse.""
Release
Retitle to Release and promotion
"the band signed with independent" → "Straylight Run signed to independent
record label" with the wikilink
"After finishing the recording, the band" → "After finishing the recording of Straylight Run, the band"
"in June and July." → "in June and July of 2004."
"for release in September." → "for release in September of that year."
"The band appeared on" → "Straylight Run appeared on"
"change-up" with the rest of the group" → "change-up," with the rest of the band"
"wrote that the record" → "wrote that Straylight Run"
"let down"," → "let down,""
"emotionally charged", while saying that" → "emotionally charged," though said that"
"the tracks with Michelle" → "the tracks with Nolan"
"Straylight Run sold over 11,000 copies within its first week of release, reaching number 100 on the
Billboard 200." → "Commercially, Straylight Run reached number 100 on the US
Billboard 200, with first week sales of over 11,000 copies."
"It also reached number four" → "It also entered at number four"
Remove wikilinks on Straylight Run and Victory Records for ref 15
Authorlink Johnny Loftus on ref 18
Retitle ref 33 to Newsletter #209
Retitle ref 34 to Newsletter #288
Target Vulture to
Vulture.com on ref 41 per MOS:LINK2SECT
Final comments and verdict
On hold until the issues are fixed, which should not take too long since I did notice that you have some good writing skills! --
K. Peake13:48, 7 October 2020 (UTC)reply
Yeepsi Sorry for the late response, I did not know you had completed what I proposed because I wasn't mentioned and had been busy elsewhere on this site. ✓Pass! --
K. Peake08:23, 13 October 2020 (UTC)reply