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Reviewer: J Milburn ( talk · contribs) 15:25, 8 November 2014 (UTC)
Happy to offer a review. It's ridiculous that you've had to wait this long.
J Milburn (
talk) 15:25, 8 November 2014 (UTC)
- "Anna eventually gets promoted at work to the position of editor—something she wanted very much." I'm slightly losing it at this point- Anna's work has not previously been mentioned.
- Thanks – added a mention of her job earlier in the plot.
- "Jacob joins Anna in the shower, and as the water falls over them, they remember scenes from their early time together." Also odd- last you mentioned, they were in an airport.
- Clarified, hopefully.
- It'd be good if more of the cast could be incoporated into the plot section. A reference for the castlist would also be good. I assume Bernard and Jackie are Anna's parents, for instance, but where does Sabrina come into the plot?
- I've added the actors of Anna's parents to the plot, but thought the others in the list were too insignificant to mention. Since they are mostly background characters, I removed all but the most significant from the cast list.
- You could combine the images of Yelchin and Jones in Template:Multiple image. This would perhaps leave room for an album infobox (though note that a cover image, if non-free, would not be justified). Template:Tracklisting is also very good. Something to think about.
- Done this, although the album infobox looks a little bare.
- Where do the Bracelet and the island enter into the plot of the film? You don't have to include it in the plot section, but mentioning it where you talk about the affinities between the real-world story and the film would be helpful.
- I've tried to add brief explanations, but I'm sure that the wording could be better. Let me know if you have any suggestions or think it needs further clarification.
- What is an "emotional beat"?
- Changed to "emotional moments".
- "where only Doremus, Guleserian and "a sound guy" were present" In addition to the actors, presumably?
- True – changed.
- "Other music used in the film includes songs by Paul Simon, M83, Stars, The Mary Onettes and Figurine." Tense shift
- Fixed.
- "Doremus listened to several of these artists as he developed the story, whose songs he says "became the fabric of the film"." Curious sentence- I think the object changes, which is why it reads oddly.
- You're right – reworded.
- "Its widest release was 162 theaters, and it closed on January 12, 2012 after playing for 11 weeks, earning $3,395,391 in total at the domestic box office.[12] Internationally, it grossed $146,962, making a worldwide total gross of $3,542,353.[12]" Maybe I'm just not familiar with the terminology, but wouldn't this be gross before home media sales, rather than gross gross?
- I changed to wording to "total box office gross", as I haven't been able to find any information about home media sales.
- I'm aware of a little bit of overlinking. The director/stars have their names linked far more than necessary- perhaps trim some?
- Delinked a few – let me know if you think there are others that shouldn't be there.
- Has it been released on DVD/for download? That really needs mentioning, if it has. (If it hasn't, and you have a source saying that, this should probably also be mentioned.)
- Added some information to the release section.
- Do you have any source that mentions why it's called "Like Crazy"?
- It's from a rather trivial part of the film, where Jacob builds Anna a chair and engraves "like crazy" on its underneath. Not sure if this is worthy of mention, and I don't think I've seen it referred to in any other sources.
- Is the song called "Impossible" or "IMpossible"?
- Fixed.
Really nice little article; covers all the bases, generally well-written, well-sourced. I will want to spotcheck some of the sources, but, other than that, I think I'll be happy to promote once you've dealt with my comments above. I did some copyediting- please double-check. J Milburn ( talk) 16:08, 8 November 2014 (UTC)
- Thanks so much for the review and all the suggestions. Your copyedits look great as well. I've made changes regarding most of the issues you raised and have left specific comments above. 97198 ( talk) 10:47, 10 November 2014 (UTC)
Second read through
- I'm getting a little hung up on the fact that there are two people referred to as "Jones". I've clarified in some places; perhaps you could clarify who is referred to in the following: "an A– grade and praised Doremus, Jones and Yelchin's storytelling"?
- Clarified.
- "While Doremus listened to several of these artists as he developed the story; he said that these songs "became the fabric of the film"." Very weird sentence
- Sorry, I left in an extra word when I reworded it before – it should make sense now.
- I'm assuming the nominee for "Grand Jury Prize – Dramatic" was the film itself? If so, this should be specified in the table, unless you know of a guideline stating otherwise?
- I think it's how film awards tables are usually formatted, but I couldn't find a specific guideline in WP:MOSFILM so I added the film title for clarity.
- "(tied with Rooney Mara for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)" probably belongs in an explanatory note rather than in the table itself.
- Done.
- There should probably be a "films directed by Drake Doremus" category
- Added.
Once these last few issues have been dealt with/responded to, I'll be happy to promote pending some source spotchecks. J Milburn ( talk) 11:21, 13 November 2014 (UTC)