The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer:
Kavyansh.Singh (
talk ·
contribs) 11:23, 30 August 2021 (UTC)
Nominator:
ExcellentWheatFarmer (
talk ·
contribs) at 19:34, 25 August 2021 (UTC)
I just saw Jimmy Carter listed as a Good article nominee awaiting review, and I knew I had to review this. This is a highly important article, and has the potential to be a GA. Considering the length of the article, my goal is to complete this review in the next 7-10 days. My general comments about the article would be divided by section, and other suggestions would be separated from the review. Feel free to let me know if you have any concerns. Thanks! – Kavyansh.Singh ( talk) 11:23, 30 August 2021 (UTC)
Just a procedural note that the nominator is not a "
significant contributor" to the article. The
instructions say that "Nominators who are not significant contributors to the article should consult regular editors of the article on the article talk page prior to a nomination."
I don't see any note on the talk page, but anyways, the instructions also say that "Anyone may nominate an article". –
Kavyansh.Singh (
talk) 11:23, 30 August 2021 (UTC)
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not) |
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{{cite book}}
template (Ex. Ref 212, Ref 381, etc.) Also, the books are mentioned in "Further reading" section (Ex. "Jimmy Carter: A Comprehensive Biography From Plains to Post-Presidency", "Zelizer, Julian (2010). Jimmy Carter, etc.). Works in the "Further reading" section should only consist of those which are not used as citations in the prose.
"Never use self-published sources as third-party sources about living people, even if the author is an expert, well-known professional researcher, or writer.", and this is an article about a living person. Secondly, the website itself states
"The following material on the first fourteen generations of the ancestry of John Kerry should not be considered either exhaustive or definitive, but rather as a first draft"
"Carter's father was a"→ "His father was a"
"during Carter Jr.'s infancy"– I guess, writing him as "Jimmy" or just "Carter" would suffice.
"Carter got along well with his parents, although his mother worked long hours and was often absent in his childhood."– How are the two parts related? Even if they are, rephrase to remove "although".
"Although Earl was staunchly pro-segregation, he allowed his son to befriend the black farmhands' children."– Presumably, "Earl" means Jimmy's father. If so, rephrase as "Although Carter's father was staunchly pro-segregation, he allowed him to befriend the black farmhands' children."
"He was the eldest son of Bessie Lillian (née Gordy) ..... cotton farmers in Georgia."– uncited
"Carter attended Plains High School"→ "Carter attended the Plains High School"
"and Earl took a position as a community leader."Similar to previous point about "Earl"
"Plains High School basketball team; he also joined the Future Farmers of America and developed a lifelong interest in woodworking"→ "Plains High School basketball team, and also joined a youth organization named the Future Farmers of America, which helped him develop a lifelong interest in woodworking"
"From 1946 to 1953, Carter and Rosalynn lived in Virginia, Hawaii, Connecticut, New York and .."
"Carter had long dreamed of attending .... was commissioned as an ensign."should probably be merged to the "Education" subsection. What are your views?
"Virginia, Hawaii, Connecticut, New York and California,"– link the first instances of all the states
" then led by Captain– do you mean "led by then Captain"?
"In 1952, Carter began an association with the Navy's fledgling nuclear submarine program, then led by Captain Hyman G. Rickover. Rickover's demands on his men and machines were legendary, and Carter later said that, next to his parents, Rickover was the greatest influence on his life."– please see MOS:PEACOCK, and remove the peacock term. Also, rephrase the second part of the sentence as ", and Carter later said that, next to his parents, Rickover had the greatest influence on his life."
"at Union College"– add a definite article
"Deciding to leave Schenectady proved difficult."– Why was it difficult?
" The transition from Navy to agribusinessman was difficult because his first-year harvest failed due to a drought; Carter was compelled to open several bank lines of credit to keep the farm afloat."– split in two sentences, removing the semi colon.
"join them—but"– Replace the dash with a comma.
"prominent member of the community and the Baptist Church"– which community?
"The initial results showed Carter losing, but this was the result of fraudulent voting orchestrated by Joe Hurst, the Democratic Party chairman in Quitman County, with the aid of the Quitman County sheriff."→ "Early counting of the ballots showed Carter trailing to <name of his opponent>, but this was the result of fraudulent voting orchestrated by Joe Hurst – chairman of the Democratic Party in Quitman County, with the aid of the Quitman County sheriff."
"Carter challenged the results; when fraud was confirmed, a new election was held, which he won."→ "Carter challenged the election result, which was confirmed fraudulent in an investigation. Following this, another election was held, which was won by Carter." – Also add further details like his opponent, his margin of victory, and his political affiliation
"against a change to the Georgia Constitution"– amendment?
"At the time of President Kennedy's assassination, Carter was informed by a customer of his peanut business of the killing, prompting Carter to remove himself from work and sit alone."– rephrase and split into two sentences.
"Carter was a diligent legislator .... to he announced his run for Congress.") to form a longer one.
"When Bo Callaway was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in November 1964 ..."→ "In November 1964, when Bo Callaway was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives, ..."
"alma mater, Georgia Southwestern College"→ "alma mater – Georgia Southwestern College"
"For a time in the State Senate,"→ "For some time in the State Senate,"
"The last day of the term"→ "On the last day of the term"
" Callaway had just switched from the Democratic Party to the Republican Party in 1964"– We already know that he had switched parties, as it is mentioned in the previous subsection.
", and was a very strong candidate, despite being the first Republican to run for Governor of Georgia since 1876."– Why was he a strong candidate? And why did no other Republican ran for the governor of Georgia since 1876.
"since Reconstruction."– "since the reconstruction era."
"Carter decided to run for governor himself. In the Democratic primary he ran against the liberal former governor Ellis Arnall and the conservative segregationist Lester Maddox."→ "Carter decided to run for the governor, and ran against liberal former governor Ellis Arnall and the conservative segregationist Lester Maddox in the Democratic primary."
" In a press conference he described"– comma after conference
"Carter returned to his agriculture business and, during"– "Carter returned to his agriculture business, and during"
" Inspired by his sister Ruth and liberal theologians"– "Liberal" is linked, however it isn't its first instance in the prose.
"Carter leaned more conservative than before"– same issue with "conservative" linked here.
"himself Born again"– un-capitalize 'B'
"liberal former governor, Carl Sanders"– Remove the comma
"49 to 38 percent"– 49 percent to 38 percent
"He declared in his inaugural speech that"→ "In his inaugural speech, he declared that"
"became lieutenant governor"→ "was elected as the lieutenant governor"
"Richard Russell Jr., then President pro tempore of the United States Senate, died in office during Carter's second week in office; the newly inaugurated governor appointed David H. Gambrell, state Democratic Party chair, to fill Russell's unexpired term in the Senate a week after Russell's death on February 1."– (a) Mention that Richard Russell was a senator from Georgia (b) un-capitalize 'P' in 'President pro tempore' (c) Split into two sentences (d) Replace "the newly inaugurated governor" with "Carter"
"Carter was reluctant to engage in back-slapping and political favors, and the legislature found him frustrating to work with"– needs to be rephrased to avoid that awkward comma before another 'and'
"Therefore, he negotiated"– Remove 'Therefore'
"Judicial Selection Commission"– un-capitalize all
"The reorganization plan was submitted in January 1972, but had a cool reception in the legislature. But after two weeks of negotiations, it was passed at midnight on the last day of the session."→ "The reorganization plan was submitted in January 1972, initially having a cool reception in the legislature. But after two weeks of negotiations, the bill was passed at midnight on last day of the session."
"Ultimately he"→ "Ultimately, Carter"
"In an April 3, 1971, televised appearance, Carter was asked if he was in favor of a requirement that candidates for Governor and Lieutenant Governor of Georgia would have to run on the same ticket. He replied, "I've never really thought we needed a lieutenant governor in Georgia. The lieutenant governor is part of the executive branch of government and I've always felt—ever since I was in the state Senate—that the executive branches should be separate."""In a televised appearance in April, 1971, when asked if he was in favor of candidates for governor and lieutenant governor of Georgia running on the same ticket, Carter replied "I've never really thought we needed a lieutenant governor in Georgia. The lieutenant governor is part of the executive branch of government and I've always felt—ever since I was in the state Senate—that the executive branches should be separate.""
"In a July 13, 1971, news conference,"→ "In a news conference on July 13, 1971," – Kavyansh.Singh ( talk) 15:18, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
"Carter requested the state legislature provide funding for an Early Childhood Development Program"→ "Carter requested the state legislature to provide funding for an early childhood development program"
"48 million in pay"– Use Template:Inflation, and write it as "48 million (equivalent to $349,632,458 in 2023) in pay"
"Latin and South America"– Link both
"Carter stated that he had met with President of Brazil Emílio Garrastazu Médici and had been compared by some to the late President Kennedy."– Per MOS:JOBTITLE, change
"met with President of Brazil Emílio Garrastazu Médici"to "met with Emílio Garrastazu Médici, the president of Brazil". Check the citation, and explain who was compared with JFK?
"with Governor of Florida Reubin Askew"– Apply MOS:JOBTITLE and rephrase as either "Reubin Askew, the governor of Florida" or "Governor Reubin Askew of Florida"
"Carter stated he favored"→ "Carter stated that he favored"
"Senator Henry "Scoop" Jackson"– Just Henry M. Jackson would work
"the 1972 Democratic ticket"why is "1972 Democratic ticket" linked to 1972 United States presidential election? Probably link it here, or better leave it unlinked.
"On David Rockefeller's endorsement he was named "– comma after 'endorsement'
"The following year he was"– comma after 'year'
"gubernatorial, campaigns"– remove the commas
@ ExcellentWheatFarmer – That brings me to his presidential campaign and presidency. Just to inform you, I wrote the article " Jimmy Carter 1976 presidential campaign" a few months ago. The review till 1974 is complete. Any suggestions for me? – Kavyansh.Singh ( talk) 09:00, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
Continuing.
"for President of the United States on "– no need to capitalize the office
"However, "by mid-March 1976 Carter was not only far ahead of the active contenders for the Democratic presidential nomination, he also led President Ford by a few percentage points," according to Shoup"– Perhaps, the sentence should begin with 'According to Shoup'. And we never had introduction to this individual (Shoup), and we don't know why his opinion matters?
"Carter published Why Not the Best? in June 1976 to help introduce himself to the American public"→ "Carter published a book/memoir/autobiography/etc. titled Why Not the Best? in June 1976 to help introduce himself to the American public"
"He used a two-prong strategy: in the South, which most had tacitly conceded to Alabama's George Wallace, Carter ran as a moderate favorite son."– Firstly, most readers wouldn't already be familiar with 'two-prong strategy' or 'favorite son'. Secondly, we need to mention that Wallace was a candidate, before saying that Carter competed him. Probably mention that excluding Carter, there were 16 major candidates for Democratic nomination. Source
" by building the largest single bloc."– Not sure what it means.
"The national news media discovered and promoted Carter, as Lawrence Shoup noted in his 1980 book The Carter Presidency and Beyond:"– He should be introduced in his first instance. Also, the sentence should be rephrased, and "As Lawrence Shoup noted in his 1980 book The Carter Presidency and Beyond" should come first.
"What Carter had ........... in the short space of 9 months.should be under quotes (" ")
"During his presidential campaign in April 1976, Carter responded to an interviewer and said, "I have nothing against a community that is ... trying to maintain the ethnic purity of their neighborhoods.""→ "During an interview in April 1976, Carter said, "I have nothing against a community that is ... trying to maintain the ethnic purity of their neighborhoods.""
"Minnesota Senator Walter F. Mondale "– Implement MOS:JOBTITLE
"He attacked Washington in his speeches"– Of course he didn't directly attacked Washington, D.C. in his speeches, but criticized the politicians closely related to Washington, D.C. Better to say, he benefited from being a "Washington, D.C. outsider"
"Carter and Gerald Ford faced off"– I guess, it was not mentioned before who Ford was? Mention that he was the incumbent Republican president seeking re-election.
"Carter won the popular vote ...... non-incumbent since Dwight Eisenhower."– Currently uncited, but it wouldn't be difficult to fine a relaible source.
"yet Carter won with the largest percentage of the popular vote (50.1 percent) of any non-incumbent since Dwight Eisenhower."– needs a source
That brings me to President Jimmy Carter.
"Carter's tenure was a ...... losing the 1980 election to Ronald Reagan") are possibly summary of his entire presidency. If that's the case, we should add more details about his inauguration and his policies. I'll suggest to add details about his inauguration in the first paragraph, and keep everything else in the second one.
"Carter signed Law H.R. 5860 aka Public Law 96-185 known as"– I don't feel the need of adding any external in between the text.
"to Washington""to Washington, D.C."
"the moral equivalent of war."moral equivalent of war is linked to a redirect page.
"At the start of a September 29, 1977, news conference"→ "At the start of news conference on September 29, 1977,..."
"had "been long and divisive and arduous" as well as"→ "had been "long and divisive and arduous" as well as" (Better)
{{cite web}}
for Ref#135 and 136.
"Carter noted the liberal wing of the Democratic Party was the most ardently against his policies, attributing this to Ted Kennedy's wanting the presidency"→ "Carter noted that the liberal wing of the Democratic Party was most ardently against his policies, attributing this to Ted Kennedy's wanting the presidency" And by "Ted Kennedy's wanting the presidency", was he referring to Ted Kennedy 1980 presidential campaign?
"once more, Speaker of the House of Representatives Tip O'Neill "– Implement MOS:JOBTITLE and add 'with' before 'Speaker'
"many of the "hit list" projects"– hit list??
"In a June 23, 1977 address to a fundraising dinner for the Democratic National Committee, "→ "In an address to a fundraising dinner for the Democratic National Committee on June 23, 1977,"
" individual Members of Congress"– uncapitalize
"by House Republicans who "– comma after Republicans
"At the start of a July 25, 1979, news conference,"– news conference should be before mentioning the date
"creation of millions of new jobs"
"real median household income growth by 5%"
" Federal Reserve Board Chairman G. William Miller"– Implement MOS:JOBTITLE
"In 1977, Carter appointed Alfred E. Kahn to lead the Civil Aeronautics Board (CAB). "– Link Civil Aeronautics Board, and remove it from "See also" template.
'think tanks'– Single quotes......?
" The Act did not remove or diminish the FAA's regulatory powers"– Possibly this is first instance of FAA. Mention it as Federal Aviation Administration
"of Prohibition in the United States"– un-capitalize 'P'
"This Carter deregulation"– Remove "Carter"
"and Medicare and Medicaid being"– uncapitalize
"President Harry Truman"– Harry S. Truman
"and later defeated in the House"– Perhaps, "but later defeated in the House"
"During 1978"– "in 1978"
"with Congress"→ "with the congress"
"In a February 28, 1978, address at the White House, Carter argued"→ "In an address from the White House on February 28, 1978, Carter argued"
""Education is far too important a ......"– un-capitalize 'E' in 'Education', even if it is under direct quotation
"various Government departments"– un-capitalize 'G'
"On October 17, 1979, "– No need to repeat the year. Just mention it as "On October 17 the same year,"
"In a November 1, 1980, speech, "→ "In a speech on November 1, 1980, "
"Senator Bentsen"refers to Lloyd Bentsen, link it. Same for Kika de la Garza
"in Federal money"– un-capitalize 'F'
"In an October 4, 1977 address to African officials at the United Nations"→ "In an address to the African officials at the United Nations on October 4, 1977,"
"At a news conference later that month, Carter outlined the U.S. wanting "to work harmoniously with ...."– Needs to be rephrased.
" Margaret Thatcher as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom"– Implement MOS:JOBTITLE
" Prime Minister of Zimbabwe Rhodesia"– un-capitalize PM
"The elections of ..... toward South Africa.seems to be incomplete.
"Secretary of State Vance"– Never mentioned before, link him
For further sections, I suggest to merge "Iran" with "Iran hostage crisis", and add some more details there, as Hostage crisis was an important part in his presidency. Will continue – Kavyansh.Singh ( talk) 10:16, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
"the United States"– the article mostly uses "the U.S.", so it would be better to replace it with "the U.S." for consistency.
" as a cold war ally in spite of"– comma after ally
" Ronald Reagan succeeded Carter as President"– lowercase 'P'
"extended period of time" and that "– comma before "and"
"During a June 13 conference"→ "During a press/news conference on June 13, ..."
"the U.S. would "beginning this week"– seems odd to me, especially as the quote begins with "beginning"
"atmosphere" and Paul Warnke"– comma before 'and'
"Carter said throughout"→ "Carter said that throughout"
"In the 1980 State of the Union Address, Carter .."→ "In his 1980 State of the Union address, Carter"
"last 3 1/2 decades"– 3½ decades
", although that was not the case"– seems odd
" For example, U.S. intelligence closely"– Remove 'for example'
"execution of Ali Bhutto "– Zulfikar Ali Bhutto
" In a televised speech"– add date
"During a March 9, 1977 news conference,"→ "During a news conference on March 9, 1977, "
"stated he wanted"→ "stated that he wanted"
"South Korean Government"– lowercase 'G'
"On May 26, during a news conference"– same as the first point in this subsection
" said he believed South"→ " said he believed that South"
" President of South Korea Park Chung-hee"– implement MOS:JOBTITLE
"The September 21, 1977 resignation"– comma after '1977'
"Director of the Office of Management and Budget"– lowercase
"Carter became the first sitting president to testify under oath as part of an investigation into that president"– Needs a grammatical tweak. Also, the source does support this, but I'm just curious that didn't Gerald Ford testified before the House Judiciary Subcommittee hearing on his pardon of Richard Nixon see this?
"Carter later wrote"seems odd to start a new subtopic. Can we have some introduction on Carter's 1980 campaign.
"during the Democratic presidential primary"– link to 1980 Democratic Party presidential primaries
"Kennedy surprised his supporters by running a weak campaign"– if this would be mentioned, also mention that Kennedy's 12 victories included some crucial states like Massachusetts, New York and California.
"in New York City"– "the New York City"
"campaign for re-election "– better leave it unlinked, or red linked to Jimmy Carter 1980 presidential campaign
"was one of the most difficult and least successful in history."– un-sourced, and quite controversial statement.
"in the Third World "– Most readers wouldn't know "Third World"
"On October 28, Carter and Reagan participated in the sole presidential debate of the election cycle"– No. Reagan debated Anderson without Carter as Carter refused to participate if Anderson was included. Anderson notably said during the debate "Governor Reagan is not responsible for what has happened over the last four years, nor am I. The man who should be here tonight to respond to those charges chose not to attend"
"Carter was defeated by Ronald Reagan"→ "Reagan defeated Carter"
That brings me to former president Jimmy Carter. Seeing the overall length of the article, I suggest to summarize "Diplomacy" and "Views on Trump administration" sub-sections. However, the overall length can be justified by the length of Carter's career. – Kavyansh.Singh ( talk) 07:16, 5 September 2021 (UTC)
Continuing – Kavyansh.Singh ( talk) 09:00, 8 September 2021 (UTC)
"Prime Minister of Israel Menachem Begin"→ "prime minister of Israel Menachem Begin"
"Carter negotiated an understanding with Kim Il-sung, with whom he went on to outline a treaty that he announced to CNN without the consent of the Clinton administration to spur American action.– 'with' is repetitive. Link Clinton administration
"Carter traveled to North Korea to secure the release of Aijalon Gomes in August 2010,"→ "In August 2010, Carter traveled to North Korea to secure the release of Aijalon Gomes,"
"the new Reagan administration"→ "the Reagan administration"
"he condemned"→ "condemned "
"Carter received a phone call from Trump in which Trump "– 'Trump' is repetitive
""the most warlike nation in thr history of the world.""– typo
"1984 presidential election"– pipe 'presidential election' in the link
"In the 1988 presidential election cycle,"– remove'cycle'
"In the 2004 election cycle"– same as above
" 2012 election cycle"– same
"criticized Ross Perot"– mention that Perot was a Texas billionaire businessman running for president as an independent candidate.
"John McCain"– mention that he was the Republican nominee.
"Leading up to the general election, Carter criticized John McCain, who responded to Carter's comments, and warned Obama against selecting Clinton as his running mate.""– Split the sentence.
" In October 2017, however ...... certainly that I've known about."– move to Views on successive presidents section
""Having observed"– lowercase 'H'
" the Bush administration's"– Which one? George W. Bush or George H. W. Bush
"Carter founded The Carter Center""– un-capitalize and remove 'The' from the link.
""personally opposed""– remove the quotation marks.
"Governor of New Mexico, Bill Richardson"– Implement MOS:JOBTITLE
" in the LA Times"– The Los Angeles Times
"He opened the article: "The process for administering the death penalty in the United States is broken beyond repair, and it is time to choose a more effective and moral alternative. California voters will have the opportunity to do this on election day.""– seems trivial information
"Carter has also called for commutations of death sentences"– Link Commutation (law)
"Brian K. Baldwin (executed in 1999 in Alabama), Kenneth Foster (sentence in Texas commuted in 2007) and Troy Davis (executed in Georgia in 2011)."– Mentioning states important?
"What led Carter to take this action was a doctrinal statement by the Convention, adopted in June 2000, advocating a literal interpretation of the Bible"– needs to be rephrased
"(the major health care reform law championed by President Obama)"– championed is Point of view
"At the age of 18, he became deacon and teaches Sunday school at Maranatha Baptist Church in Plains, Georgia"→ "In 1942, at the age of 18, Carter became a deacon and teaches Sunday school at Maranatha Baptist Church in Plains, Georgia"
"In 2007, with Bill Clinton, he founded the New Baptist Covenant organization for social justice."→ In 2007, together with former president Clinton, he founded the New Baptist Covenant organization for social justice.
"this was an idea that came to fruition in 1982."→ "this later came to fruition in 1982."
"Carter later recalled an abrupt phone call received in June 1977 from Presley who sought a presidential pardon from Carter, in order to help George Klein's criminal case; at the time Klein had been indicted for only fraud."– The second part about Klein's criminal case needs some explanation.
"the subject's "prayer partner"""Carter's "prayer partner""?
"The Carters celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary in July 2016, and celebrated their 75th anniversary on July 7, 2021."– Remove the mention of 70th anniversary
"As of October 18, 2019, they are the longest-wed presidential couple,"– Update the date, preferably using Template:FULLDATE.
"having overtaken George and Barbara Bush at 26,765 days."– '26,765 days' require citation
"2006 Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate in Nevada"– pipe 'in Nevada' in the link
" Republican incumbent, John Ensign"– Remove the comma
"is a former Georgia State Senator and in 2014"– comma after 'Senator', and implement MOS:JOBTITLE
"Republican incumbent, Nathan Deal"– Remove the comma
"Carter underwent elective surgery"– an elective surgery; and link Elective surgery
""a small mass""– Remove the quotes
" "excellent""– same as above
"The former president"– Replace with 'Carter'
"Carter, the earliest-serving living former president since the death of Gerald Ford in 2006, became the oldest to ever attend a presidential inauguration, in 2017 at age 92, and the first to live to the 40th anniversary of his own"→ "Carter is the earliest-serving living former president since the death of Gerald Ford in 2006. He became the oldest president ever attend a presidential inauguration in 2017, at the age of 92, and the first to live to the 40th anniversary of his own"
"Carter noted"→ "He noted"
"The Carter Center"→ "the Carter Center"
"still held Gerald Ford's pardon"– replace 'Gerald Ford' with just 'Ford'
"Southerner"– lowercase
"In the 1980 campaign"→ "During the 1980 presidential campaign"
"Carter's personal attention to detail, his pessimistic attitude, his seeming indecisiveness and weakness with people were accentuated in contrast to what many saw as Reagan's charismatic charm and delegation of tasks to subordinates"– Point of view. Can we make it more neutral?
"Reagan used ..... reelection bid"– doesn't belong to the "public opinion" section
"Carter's presidency was initially viewed by some as a failure"– 'by some', by whom? historians, media, politicians?
"In historical rankings""In the historical rankings"
"the Carter presidency"– Carter's presidency
"referencing Jimmy Carter,"– remove his first name
" His presidential library, Jimmy Carter Library and Museum was opened in 1986."– Rephrase as " The Jimmy Carter Library and Museum was opened in 1986."